Negative Nancy

Ok so the only time I seem to blog is when I'm pissed. And lemme tell you....I'm effin PISSED. I'm so flippin tired of being told all this negative crap. Right now, it's money. I flippin KNOW my money habits suck. I flipping KNOW that what we are trying to accomplish is gonna be hard. But you would think by now you would know that I'm NOT the person who will let something stupid get in the way of what I want. Yeah, if we have no money then realistically we cant do this, but we have like 8 months. Maybe it's not a lot of time....but we CAN do it contrary to your negative nancy approach. You can try to cover it up by saying you are being realistic....but REALISTICALLY anything is possible when you want something bad enough and try hard enough. I firmly believe that to try is to succeed and if you dont succeed you didnt try hard enough. If this doesn't happen next summer, I accept full responsibility that I didn't do everything possible to make sure it happens. BUT until then, why not be a little more supportive? You think I'm totally stupid? I have seen a lot of the grown up side to life and I have seen a lot of money problems all around me. I know what I'm getting myself into. The only thing is that I am going about this in a positive way. I have NEVER accomplished anything in my life going into it in a negative or iffy manner.

I know I have had not so good spending habits in the past. But give me a break...the last 8 months I havent had TIME to eat at home (which is where most of my money goes towards...food). You complain when you work 4 nights a week. Try going to school 35 hours and working on average 40 hours a week. Let's not forget time to do homework and oh yeah sleep. I barely have a social life anymore because I'm so busy. The point I'm trying to make is that I usually have to grab a quick bite here and there so get off my back about that one.

If it means I have to get a second job or means that I have to give all my money to someone who wont let me have it, I will. Why? Because I'm determined. This is what I want most in my life and all I have heard is a bunch of negativity from you and other people. Why can't you be more supportive and maybe offer to help give me ideas on how to accomplish this? I have never been happier in my life and for you to sit here and tell me you think I can't do it....it's effin rude and discouraging and hurtful. Be happy for me. Tell me we can do this. I know what I'm doing here. So have faith in me or step off. I don't have time for the negativity. 8 months is closer than it seems.

There's the door.

Yeah its been months. I know. But I'm in such a raging angry mood right now that I just had to type for a while.
Errrr. I'm so done with people. So annoyed right now that I don't even know where to start.

I'm done with you, for thinking you are better than me; I'm done with you, for thinking you can walk over me because I'm me; I'm done with you, for using me; I'm done with you, for only coming to me when you need to talk but NEVER is there for me; I'm done with you, who is too good to be around me; I'm done with you, who is just plain rude; I'm done with you for wanting all the attention; I'm done with ALL OF YOU, for your lack of common sense; And for real...I'm done with you for being...well...what I kept trying to not see.

I am one messed up person. Really I know how much I screw up and I know how much I hurt people I don't want to hurt and how I have a lot of lessons to learn. Just because I was home schooled doesn't mean I'm STUPID. And if you think that, then that is your prerogative so get off my blog.

But you know what I know I am above all that? Loyal. I am the most loyal person you will ever meet. I will never abandon people and I will never purposely hurt people. I will always stand by you and try to see the good in you no matter what. It has screwed me over tons of times and I have been taken advantage of tons of times, but I wouldn't change it for the world. My only hope has been that I would find someone or some people who would be able to be the same for me. I thought I had it in you, ma'am, but I was made a fool of.

You were my best friend and I would have done anything for you. You were more than that you were my sister. You and your life is so messed up that sometimes I didn't know what to do that would be best for you but I sure as heck tried. You kept a wall up and I knew it...it hurt a little that you would never let me completely in. If there was something I could have done to break that wall I would have but I know it is there between you and everyone so I never took it personally. I tried to not butt in and put my two cents in unless you asked, and I tried to give you the space you needed. Sorry I have a busy life...sometimes when you wanted to hang out I couldn't but it was the same for you. But you could have called me at freaking 3 a.m. needing me to come talk and I would have. I would have done anything for you, because I saw what you couldn't see in yourself and I loved you dearly. I knew you had a lot of 'baggage' but I tried to over look it. I never would have thought in a hundred years you would just shove me out the door like you did. Well you know what? Forget you. I don't need you or your 'woe as me' life.

I wish so bad I could vent about more on this blog. But the people who I wish I could vent about don't really deserve it...its just my frustrations.

It's time for me to stop putting so much faith in people I suppose. I mean, I have this amazing boyfriend who I know is not ever going to leave and this awesome family who will always be there....what else do I need? Maybe I need to not get so caught up in "friends" who just want to use me for the here and now. Ok bed time.

Ma'am...

I had to close lobby tonight at work. I was totally ok with it though; as long as I don't have to close with HIM my life is alright. Anyway, as I was cleaning play place, there were a couple families still in there playing with their kids. There was one little group, however, that for some reason just stuck out to me as soon as I walked in: a lady (probably in her twenties), a man (a little older than her and covered in tattoos), and the cutest 3 year old little girl I have ever seen in my life. It was just really adorable watching this big, tough, tattooed man run around and play with this little girl. Anyway...so this guy sits down with the lady at their table as I'm cleaning around them, but he looks at me and says "Ma'am, I just want to tell you how incredible this woman is," he paused and grabbed the lady's hand," I mean really, every time I see her smile it makes me realize how much my life is worth living. I love her more than life itself, though, and I want the whole world to know how much this lady means to me." He went on and told me about how they met, how long they had been dating, and how he wants to marry her more than anything. The whole time the girl was giggling and blushing and trying to get him to stop. But I didn't want him to stop. It was so encouraging for me to listen to a guy talk about his girlfriend like that...not just to her, but to some complete stranger.

I dunno. They probably didn't even realize how hopeful just listening to him made me. It wasn't until tonight that I realized that there really are good guys out there; guys who make their women feel loved, simply because they love them and want everyone in the world to know. I have yet to be with someone who I felt loved me like that...or at least cared like that. The girl blushed and acted all embarrassed, but I just wanted to tell her how lucky she was.

Sigh. Someday :)

Not a Screw Up

Hi, my name is Katie Glenn and I am NOT a screw up. But, I screw up a heck of a ton it feels like. I just want to be happy...for reals. Why can't being with Jeremiah and having my family around work? Like, together? It's whatever though. Nothing I can do. All I know is that I went to him hoping that we could pretend everything was ok. I knew exactly how it would happen ahead of time...and even though I knew it was stupid....I tried. For a little while, it was as if nothing changed and I wouldn't trade that for anything. Sorry, but I wouldn't. But then I wake up and realize nothing had changed. He still broke my heart, he hasn't changed, I still can't be with him, and my family would never accept him back.

Ok. Move the heck on, Katie.

Why is this so hard? I have so much going for me, and I am letting one person hold me back. I know I shouldn't want so bad to be with him but I guess when you have spent over a year with someone, it's harder than just saying so.

Backkk :)

Hey look! I'm blogging again! Yay me :). This week has been crazy and I dunno I just felt like writing. I am ok for any of you who are reading this because you know I usually only blog when I'm upset hehe. College is going great; I love it a lot even if I have to get up real early. I think I've gotten more sleep combined this week than I used to in a night...but it's whatever. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Stop. Pause. As I sit here and type, all I can think about is my keyboarding teacher (Mrs. Springer) standing over me and telling me to use the right fingers for each key...yeah.

Anyway. Jeremiah and I broke up last week. I wish I would have listened to what everyone was saying before about how we just weren't right for each other. I mean, I don't regret the past year but it still sucks that I fell for the whole "I wanna marry you" thing again. We both wanted it to work but it was obvious we weren't meant to be. I'm sad...don't get me wrong. I DO love him and he will always have a special place in my heart, but I can only hope that he will find someone who will meet his needs and make him feel loved in a way I could not. Same with me though for real.

My friends have been amazing the last week. Oh my. Lauren Auchley has gone above and beyond I feel like any one person should to be there for me and I love her so much for that :). Brittanie, Ashley, Grace, Ashlyn, Emily R, Spencer, Matt, Justin, idk everyone has just been amazing. I also have my family whom I love like crazy :) they have been amazing too.

Otay. I'm gonna go for now...but I promise I will write again soon :) everything is going great and I'm sure I will have more to say soon here.

Catching up on Days 20,21,22

Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Real important. Good luck getting far in life without at least a little bit of it...

Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Pretty. Little. Liars.

Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Oh dear. I have changed so much. 2 years ago I was trying really hard to find who I was. Soooo many mistakes have been made but I am finally beginning to figure out who I am and where I'm supposed to be going with my life.

Day 19

Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.

Sadly, I know too well about this. Blah. I feel like I've gotten better about it, but I still wasted many years thinking they were out to get me and were really rude to them a lot of the time. But looking back I know that they were only trying to help...and they did :)