A dysfunctional family Christmas

I used to like to think Christmas was my favorite holiday. I wear my obnoxious Christmas earrings and listen to nothing but Christmas music (seriously I think I have heard Wham and Andy Williams' voice so much it's going to haunt me for the rest of my life). I have gone out of my way to say 'Merry Christmas' to customers at work even though we aren't supposed to, just because it's Christmas. The decorations around our house are beautiful and the peppermint cookies on our table are delicious- especially when half asleep at 2am with milk straight out of the carton. But this year is different. As much as I have tried to get in a legit Christmas-y mood and acted all 'jolly', I really just want to sleep through this weekend. I've come to realize that Christmas has basically sucked a lot in the past years because of so much family drama. Why did I ever think sitting in a room full of people who act less like family than Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades was fun? All the gossip all the ignorant comments all the looks...what the heck? Isn't Christmas supposed to be a joyous season? Psh.

The closest people to me are my mom, my dad, Brian, and Alyssa. Outside of that, the closest family member to me is my Meemaw. I don't get to see her for Christmas for the 2nd year in a row because people can't settle their differences and accept each other for who they are. There has been a lot of hurt but it hasn't been one sided. I miss her a lot...and it kills me that because of all the drama, she won't come back. In my opinion to you all, get over yourselves and realize that you are family.

We aren't even going to the Glenn family Christmas this year. Just like we didn't go to Thanksgiving. And I really couldn't care less. The amount of pain that has gone on between everyone is horrible. I've said it before and I will say it again...no Glenn is completely blameless right now. Even if you haven't directly said something to someone or publicly shared your opinion, I guarantee there have been nasty comments or nasty thoughts about someone. I noticed a real long time ago how dysfunctional this family is. And you all can pin it on one member of the family (you all know EXACLTY who I am talking about) but one day...whether that be tomorrow, next year, 10 years from now, or when you are kneeling at the feet of Christ being held accountable for your actions, you will see that you were just as wrong as anyone here. I don't really believe in Karma. I believe in His judgment. And if you can live through this Christmas season believing that He isn't shaking His head at the way you all are treating each other, please, tell me what you're on and have a Merry Christmas. It must be nice living in that world of yours.

YOU ARE FAMILY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD SO ACT LIKE IT!!!! IF YOU THINK YOUR ACTIONS ARE GODLY THEN THINK AGAIN!!!

Someday you will regret the way you treated your brother, the way you treated your cousin, the way you treated your niece, just the way you all treat each other. I only wish everyone could just accept each other for who they are and live with it.

Ok so there it is. There really is a lot more. If I could personally write a letter to each of you...I would. And it would be long. Just saying.

So have a Merry Christmas.

Friends.

It really sucks waking up to the fact that you really don't have a lot of friends. I have a lot of "friends" but not a lot of friends.

definition of----

"Friends"- Someone who you talk to, are friendly with, maybe even hang out with. But when it comes down to it, they aren't really going to be there for you when life knocks you down.

If I were to delete all my "Friends" off of facebook, I might as well just delete my facebook. It's slightly overwhelming to me all the people I thought were real friends that really just aren't. And it's slightly depressing. But I'm done wasting my time with people who don't really care. Kthxbye.

Sigh

Sigh. This has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I mean, I am doing what I can to change and to earn back the trust that I lost-it hasn't been that difficult...it feels good to make other people happy-but it seems like no matter what I do, nobody really believes in me. Besides the select few, I don't think many people expect me to succeed or get where I want to go. I want sooo badly to prove them wrong and I will, but it just makes it 10 times harder with the things that have been happening.

Discouraged.

Doubt.

Not going to lie, I sometimes question if I really can do this. I sometimes wonder if I really am strong enough to make this life change permanent;that maybe the way I have been is just who I am. Maybe I am just meant to be a pain and a burden. Maybe all this trying is stupid and I should just let this dream go.

NO! NO! NO!

Lies straight from Satan himself!

I won't let it stop me. I will succeed. I will continue to climb this mountain. I will do this for the people I love. Jeremiah Barnes, Linda Glenn, Gerry Glenn, Brian Glenn, Alyssa Glenn, Meredith McClain, The Barnes family...all these people that I care most about in my life deserve this. And you know what? I think I do too. I want to be happy, and I have been the last couple weeks. Knowing that I have been trying my hardest and knowing that everything is going to be better than ever has made me so happy. I have had my downs, but those times don't beat how great it has been.

How great it is going to keep getting.

A legit reason...

I swear... I have been doing such a good job at taking a step back and examining a situation before I get upset or hurt or mad. Many times I have realized that I didn't have a for real reason to be any of that and just let it go. But once the time comes that I have a legit reason to be upset, it really sucks. Sometimes I wonder if people really understand how their actions and words affect other people or if they just don't care...but I dunno. I think I am just going to leave it at that.

Kinda crazy...

It's crazy how just being more easy going and not so controlling can make life so much easier. It's crazy how much others will enjoy being around you when you are more caring and pleasant. It's crazy how much things have changed. It's crazy how fast things are changing. It's crazy how much I love being around my family. It's crazy how I would rather be with my sister than my other friends. It's crazy how much better mine and Jeremiah's relationship has gotten in just a few days. It's crazy how much I love him. It's crazy how just an 'I love you' and a kiss will make me in a better mood after a long day of work. It's crazy how much my mindset has changed about a lot of things. It's crazy how much I want a new job. It's crazy how long it took me to realize how horrible my job was. It's crazy how I am EXCITED about college! It's crazy how my future is looking so much greater than it was less than a week ago. It's crazy how writing every day has helped me stay on track. It's crazy how (even though I don't have much money to spend) easy it has been NOT to spend my money on crap I don't need. It's crazy how just sitting and thinking about things helps me make right decisions.

It's crazy how happy I am...just by making the pure decision to let it all go :)

Listen to Faves

Woot!

Ok...gonna make this quick cuzz I have to wake up in 7 hours for work lol. I went to Hickey college today with my mom and it was so awesome! Going to go for 14 months and get my associates degree in business administrative assistant. SOOO excited....except for the fact that I have to take a GED test since I was homeschooled and everything. Gay. But it will be so worth it!

Well my baby called to talk for a while till I get sleepy :) so I will ttyl!!!!