Yeah its been months. I know. But I'm in such a raging angry mood right now that I just had to type for a while.
Errrr. I'm so done with people. So annoyed right now that I don't even know where to start.
I'm done with you, for thinking you are better than me; I'm done with you, for thinking you can walk over me because I'm me; I'm done with you, for using me; I'm done with you, for only coming to me when you need to talk but NEVER is there for me; I'm done with you, who is too good to be around me; I'm done with you, who is just plain rude; I'm done with you for wanting all the attention; I'm done with ALL OF YOU, for your lack of common sense; And for real...I'm done with you for being...well...what I kept trying to not see.
I am one messed up person. Really I know how much I screw up and I know how much I hurt people I don't want to hurt and how I have a lot of lessons to learn. Just because I was home schooled doesn't mean I'm STUPID. And if you think that, then that is your prerogative so get off my blog.
But you know what I know I am above all that? Loyal. I am the most loyal person you will ever meet. I will never abandon people and I will never purposely hurt people. I will always stand by you and try to see the good in you no matter what. It has screwed me over tons of times and I have been taken advantage of tons of times, but I wouldn't change it for the world. My only hope has been that I would find someone or some people who would be able to be the same for me. I thought I had it in you, ma'am, but I was made a fool of.
You were my best friend and I would have done anything for you. You were more than that you were my sister. You and your life is so messed up that sometimes I didn't know what to do that would be best for you but I sure as heck tried. You kept a wall up and I knew it...it hurt a little that you would never let me completely in. If there was something I could have done to break that wall I would have but I know it is there between you and everyone so I never took it personally. I tried to not butt in and put my two cents in unless you asked, and I tried to give you the space you needed. Sorry I have a busy life...sometimes when you wanted to hang out I couldn't but it was the same for you. But you could have called me at freaking 3 a.m. needing me to come talk and I would have. I would have done anything for you, because I saw what you couldn't see in yourself and I loved you dearly. I knew you had a lot of 'baggage' but I tried to over look it. I never would have thought in a hundred years you would just shove me out the door like you did. Well you know what? Forget you. I don't need you or your 'woe as me' life.
I wish so bad I could vent about more on this blog. But the people who I wish I could vent about don't really deserve it...its just my frustrations.
It's time for me to stop putting so much faith in people I suppose. I mean, I have this amazing boyfriend who I know is not ever going to leave and this awesome family who will always be there....what else do I need? Maybe I need to not get so caught up in "friends" who just want to use me for the here and now. Ok bed time.
